City Slickers
by Wolf of Silver Dawn
Summary: Calvin and Hobbes run away to the city, where they live a new and great life. But a robber out for revenge is on the loose, and Calvin's the target. Complete. Sequel is Myrrthe, on website.
1. Packing

**Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or any other characters, settings, or lines. I do, however, own this storyline, plot, and idea.**

Chapter One: Packing

Calvin walked to his room, grumbling, for the 37th time that day. He had tried everything to get out of cleaning his room, but now he was being locked in his room until he finished doing the evil job.

He pushed open the door and said in a dull voice, "Hobbes?"

The tiger looked up from the comic book he was holding. "38th time lucky, you think?"

Calvin shook his head. "We're doomed, Hobbes." After a second, he noticed something and screamed, "PUT DOWN THE COMIC BOOK BEFORE YOU INFECT IT WITH SOME NAMELESS TIGER DISEASE!!!"

The tiger sighed and put the comic book down. "I can't believe the amoeba thing didn't work. You were so slow, even I didn't notice you. And so _quiet._"

"Where's that ol' Enhance-o-Tron we made last year?" asked Calvin as he began searching through his closet. "We need to put on our thinking caps."

"Hey, there's a good idea," said Hobbes, and began to help Calvin dig. Finally they pulled it out. Everything was still attached, even the colander was still there. Hobbes began to connect and re-connect the wires to get a better brain-wave of ideas into Calvin's head.

"Ready?" asked Calvin. "Ready," replied Hobbes, and he set the colander over Calvin's head.

_Click—ZAP_

Calvin took off the colander and felt his now over-large head. "It worked! It worked!" he cheered. "Quick, think of something," said Hobbes excitedly.

"I am working my now-powerful brain to our problem…..I got it!" "What?! What?!" yelped Hobbes. Calvin pointed to his bed sheets, backpacks, and the bathroom in the room next over.

"We run away!" he said proudly. "Oooh, yes! That'll be lots of fun!" said Hobbes. "Ok, first we both have to pack. I'll pack my stuff, and you pack your stuff," Calvin instructed.

"Should I bring the nightlight?" asked Hobbes as he scoured the room. "Hmm….yes. Wherever we're going has to have electricity," said Calvin, shoving the nightlight in his backpack. "Just where are we going?"

Calvin stopped, thought for a moment, and then said thoughtfully, "We tried the Yukon and that didn't work, that's too far up. It would take us months to walk there on foot, and anyway, we had only packed a few sandwiches. That is the one time I admit I was stupid."

Hobbes rolled his eyes, then offered a few suggestions. "How about Africa?" "Don't be stupid, we'd have to sneak on a plane," said Calvin as he packed his toothbrush and toothpaste. "Canada?" "That would take months as well. We should have put _you _in the Enhance-o-Tron."

Hobbes rolled his eyes again, and said his final suggestion: "The city?" Calvin paused, then a smile split his face. "Exactly! Exactly, Hobbes! You're a genius!" He paused again, then a frown replaced the smile and he said, "But there's still stuff downstairs that's ours, and we need to pack food."

"Use your powerful brain," suggested Hobbes. "Good idea."

Calvin thought for another moment, then snapped his fingers and said, "We yell that we cleaned my room, then we run out and lock _her _in the room!!" "Wonderful! Wonderful!" exclaimed Hobbes.

"Ok, here goes: MOM!!! HOBBES AND I CLEANED MY ROOM!!!!" Soon they heard her coming up the steps and saying, "That's great, honey. I'll let you out now." No sooner then the lock clicked, Calvin tore out, pushed his mom in, and locked the door just as Hobbes scampered out.

"Great work, Hobbes ol' buddy!"

They went downstairs to pack. As Hobbes collected their favorite toys and comic books they left downstairs, Calvin made a few dozen sandwiches and he packed six bowls of cereal. He then poured milk and juice into a few dozen cups, and capped them. He grabbed all the cookies and bagged them, got a few ice packs, then retrieved the two lunch boxes on the top of the fridge and packed them with food and one ice pack each.

They could both hear Calvin's mom screaming, but they didn't pay attention, for she was locked up and they were safe. They checked around one more time, Calvin wishing they could bring the TV, and then went to the bathroom for a final time. Finally they went outside to grab those items.

Hobbes got the toboggan and Calvin pulled up the wagon. They dropped their packs on them and Calvin attached a rope to the toboggan so that Hobbes could pull it. They grabbed the rope and the handle and set off: to the city!


	2. On the Run

Chapter 2: On the Run

Entrance: A few days after the two ran off, Calvin's mom called the police. That was bad news for the runaways, and they tore off across the suburbs, clearing them in three days. Now they have entered the outer city…..

Calvin slumped, panting, on a log. "Is it lunchtime yet?" he moaned.

Hobbes peeked into the backpack and then at his watch, and winced. "We're going to have to ration our food to less," he said unhappily. "We're almost out of food."

They were already painfully thin, and they sighed to think of even less food. Then Calvin remembered that he had packed a bunch of money in the briefcase. "Can you hand me the suitcase?"

Once he had it, Calvin dug out a pile of 50, 20, 10, 5, and 1 dollar bills. "Now we can buy food," he said with a smile.

Hobbes cheered. "Woo-hoo!!"

Calvin set off to the nearest food store, leaving Hobbes to guard their things. No doubt he would take a short nap.

The nearest food store was a restaurant: Wendy's to be exact. Calvin licked his lips and headed inside. He walked up to the front and said, "What can I buy with…hmmm….20 dollars?"

The person at the front was pleased that the kid wanted so much. "Well, a lot of things," she replied. "What would you like?"

Calvin squinted at the menu and decided on six small hamburgers, six salads, and six root beers. He handed over the cash and the woman asked, "For here or to go?" "To go," answered Calvin. When the food was made, Calvin, with his arms full of paper bags, left.

He got to Hobbes, who was in an empty shed, just around lunchtime.

"Yum! I was getting tired of cereal and sandwiches for food and milk and juice for drinks every day" said Hobbes with a mouthful of hamburger.

Calvin picked a strawberry out of one of the salads and tossed it into his mouth. "Yes, isn't it nice? Have some salad, Hobbes."

At night they had a meal of sandwiches and milk, just to use their older food up.

The next morning they were on their way again, after a rather hurried breakfast of cereal and milk. Calvin was looking at the map of Moberly, Missouri he had packed.

"So it looks like we're, I dunno, coming near the middle. So we're in these trees here;" he pointed at the small clump, "and over there is a police station, and that's a donut shop over there, and then a fresh seafood store--" "Seafood?! Lemme see."

Hobbes scrambled to look. "Come on, let's go! Let's go!" he said excitedly, tugging on Calvin's shirt.

"Get off, fleabag. We can go there, but first I wanna see if the police are looking for us. Come on."

They walked through the tiny woods, and came out about 15 minutes later at the police station. A man was standing out at the front, eating a powdered sugar donut.

Calvin and Hobbes watched him for a few minutes, then Calvin said, "Take the stuff back into the woods. I'm gonna check this out."

Hobbes grabbed the sled and the toboggan, each with heavy backpacks and suitcases on it, and lugged them off.

Calvin nimbly avoided the policeman's vision, and crept to the back of the station. There he snuck inside a back door some one had casually left open.

"You'd think they live in here!" muttered Calvin. He heard a few people talking not very far away and froze in his tracks. He turned around, looking for something to hide in.

The clothes were hot, heavy, and Calvin was squashed in there too tight, but it covered him up. The policemen walked by without even glancing at where he was hiding. Calvin's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates when he heard what the policemen were saying.

"So have you had any luck with finding the runaway kid?" "Nope. This kid's fast and sneaky. We're gonna have to double our search."

Calvin was speechless. As soon as the voices faded into the distance, he jumped out of the clothes and ran out. He zipped back to where Hobbes had hidden in a matter of seconds.

"We've gotta keep moving, Hobbes!" Calvin moaned, tugging at his friend's arm.

They grabbed their things and ran off, creeping behind buildings and such. When they came to the donut store that was right next to the seafood store, they stopped. Calvin turned, and found another abandoned shed.

"Put the stuff in here," he said, "and I'll go get us donuts."

"Can we have a snack first?" asked Hobbes, peeking his head in one of the backpacks.

"Sure," said Calvin. They ate the last two sandwiches and the last two milk bottles.

Once they were done, Hobbes settled down on a bench to read a comic book, and Calvin gathered up 30 dollars.

Calvin walked into the store and looked at the donuts on display.

"What can I get for you, young man?" asked the person at the front.

"One of each, please, except for the ones with nuts."

"Ok. For here or to go?" asked the person, already grabbing donuts and putting them into a plastic bag.

"To go," said Calvin, who's eyes were widening by the second.

After the last donut had been packed, the person said, "25 dollars and 35 cents."

Calvin handed over the money, got the change, and headed out.

When he got back Hobbes had just started on another comic book.

"I'm gonna go and get seafood now. What do you want?"

"Canned tuna," said Hobbes, "and anything else that doesn't have to be cooked."

"Alrighty," said Calvin. He bought the seafood and went back to Hobbes.

"It's getting dark," he said, looking at the sky. "Let's stay here for the night."

The next morning they were off again after a breakfast of the last of the cereal and juice.

Soon they found themselves in a great big forest, nothing like the city.

They pushed on exasperatedly, occasionally stopping for a bite to eat or some rest.

It got dark again, and Calvin said, "I don't want to spend the night here."

"I don't either," said Hobbes darkly, "but we might have to."

"But there could be wolves in here," said Calvin shakily as he whipped his head around.

And so they walked long into the night.

A blinding light burnt into Calvin's eyes. He blinked. "Wuzzgoinon?"

Hobbes grinned. "You fell asleep."

"But what was that light?" asked Calvin sleepily.

Hobbes grinned even wider. "Take a look."

The tiger moved away from the bush and Calvin gasped at what he saw. Tall skyscrapers with lights beaming out in all directions. Streets that looked so low compared to the giant apartment and work buildings.

"This it it," said Calvin breathlessly. "The city."


	3. Living Nocturnal

Chapter Three: Living Nocturnal

Calvin was speechless. For three minutes he just stood there, his mouth opening and closing silently. Hobbes pushed him into the wet grass face first.

"Come on!" he yelled. "Last one there is a rotten egg!"

Calvin picked himself up and said to the rampaging tiger, "Hold it, you psychopath. We have to bring all out stuff down."

The two dragged the stuff to the first alleyway they saw. As Hobbes dragged it into an abandoned building, Calvin stood guard. "Well" he said, "we can't relax here, Hobbes."

"Why?" "Because all the gamblers who've lost all their money and thieves live in here. We need to find ourselves a home."

Hobbes' eyes were on a small pack on one of the backpacks. He dug in it and found a hairclip. "Can't you unlock doors with these?" he asked as he peered at it.

Calvin fainted.

"Huh" muttered Hobbes. "If he wants to be a professional football player, he should probably get rid of that little un-habit of his."

Hobbes shook him and waved the hairclip in his face. "Do you know what this means? We can sneak and take food from people!" Just as he said it, Hobbes felt bad. Calvin patted him.

"Don't worry, old buddy. We've still got some food left, so as long as we ration our food better and only steal a little, we'll be ok." Hobbes nodded.

The building they were in at the moment had three floors. The two dragged their stuff up the elevator (which still worked) and dumped them in a smallish room. "It's not the best, but it'll have to do" said Hobbes as he drew is finger in little squiggly lines through the dust on the floor.

Calvin nodded. "I'll take stuff tonight. You guard. Then tomorrow night we'll switch." "What about day?" asked Hobbes, who had unsheathed his claws. "Then, we sleep." With that Calvin grabbed the hairclip and left.

He darted down the elevator and rushed out the door. He took off down the street and looked around. He saw a great big steakhouse with two, count 'em, TWO floors. He grinned and rushed over, creeping in a window. He stood by some people who were happily chatting and ignoring huge steak meals. He began to whisper to each of them, "Drip drip drip splosh splosh splosh swish swish swish." All of them got up to go to the bathroom.

When no one was looking, he grabbed a lot of plastic bags and wrapped up the un-eaten meals in the plastic. He then snatched a tablecloth and dropped the food in. He jumped out the window. He did it.

Calvin found a stapler out on the street and he snapped the tablecloth into a good bag. He slung it over his shoulder and ran along the street out to the houses. He saw one that didn't have a car at the front but the lights were out. He looked around, and quickly crept up and unlocked the door.

He ran in and found the fanciest bath he had ever seen. He grabbed a flashlight and shined his way through a bath that made him smell like lavender. Then he grabbed some more food. When he jumped out the door, it was almost dawn. He gripped the bag tightly and sped across the city to where he and Hobbes lived.

Hobbes was still standing guard. Calvin said the code that they had decided: "Whabberhobbagallamoskie." "Oh good, you're back. What'd you get?" asked Hobbes.  
"Steak dinners, some sugary cereal, already-cooked chicken, angel food cake, and coke."

"Great!" exclaimed the tiger. "Let's eat." They dug into two of the steak dinners and drank up some more root beer. They ate more salad and each had a half a donut for dessert.

"Tomorrow I'm gonna get some veggies and fruits" burped Hobbes. "Why?" mumbled Calvin who was massaging his stomach. "We came here for freedom, and you're making us eat veggies?" "Well" explained Hobbes, "we're not going to last long here without them. We need to stay healthy. Are there _any _veggies you like?" "Yes, I like carrots, I can live with mashed potatoes, I like cauliflower, and I think that's it."

"Lovely" yawned Hobbes. "Now let's get some sleep." "Tomorrow, I mean the night after tomorrow, I'm buying a burglar alarm," murmured Calvin sleepily before he started snoring.

The next night they were woken up at 7:00 by the alarm clock. Hobbes hit the snooze button and shook Calvin. "C'mon, wake up." Calvin stretched and said, "Go get 'em, tiger." Hobbes saluted Calvin and jumped out of his sleeping bag, and then the room. He darted out into the night. He crept around and began to follow his nose to the houses.

He found a house where the door was unlocked. He pushed it open as silently as he could and bounded in. He saw a dog sleeping near, and Hobbes was even quieter as he snuck to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, grabbed some food, and closed it. Same with the freezer. He took a few more ice packs and a cooler, then grabbed some stuff from a pantry and leapt out the door. As he closed it, a loud _CREEEAAK _split the air. He heard the dog barking and a human crying, "A burglar! Get it, Bob!" Hobbes scooped up the food and jumped out, tearing across the cul-de-sac to the alleyway where he and Calvin lived.

He called out the password, heard Calvin mutter, "Can't talk now, Hobbes. Immediate comic book reaction. ICBR." He laughed, and walked in and dumped out the food. "Check out what I got" he said. Calvin walked over.

"Ice cream, mashed potatoes, carrots, cauliflower, green beans, instant oatmeal—" "But we don't have a microwave" interrupted Calvin. "I'll settle that tomorrow. Anyway, I also have chicken nuggets, and popsicles." "Yumm!" Calvin licked his chops. Then Hobbes put the cooler on the floor, put two ice packs on the bottom and dumped the ice cream, chicken nuggets, and popsicles in. "Hey Calvin" he said. "Tomorrow try to get someone's credit card." Calvin nodded, and grinned wickedly. "Then we'll be spending somebody else's money."

Hobbes nodded. "Exactly. We won't need to spend our money, because we've got somebody else's!" "Hobbes, ol' buddy, you're really learning how to survive out here. So am I. If this is the way it's gotta be, then it is. No second opinion."


	4. Another Boring Victory

Chapter Four: Another Boring Victory

It was another typical day. Calvin was reading a comic book and Hobbes was ordering food from the Internet while listening to his Ipod. Hobbes yawned and said, "Calvin? Are we running especially low on food at the moment?"

Calvin grabbed three coolers and two backpacks and looked inside. "No, not really. But we do have an unlimited supply of money, so why not buy some more? Oh yeah, how's your investing going?" "Pretty good, actually. I got about $300 yesterday from this video game company. Anyway, they're having a big sale at the local food store. You wanna go get some? The room is completely protected."

"Sure. What time is it?" "About 4 in the morning. You should go around, oh, 8?" said Hobbes. "Ok" agreed Calvin. He went back to his comic book.

Four hours later, Calvin pocketed a bunch of cash and left. He hopped a bus and zipped around town to the giant food store. He jumped off the bus and entered. "Woo-ha, this will be fun" he said, grinning.

Calvin walked to the dairy section. "Hmmm….brie cheese, cheddar cheese, 2% milk, eggs, two bottles of reduced fat spray whipped cream and eggnog," he said, throwing all the things into his cart.

He stopped by a big funnel thing and lots of different colored beans. "Well well, coffee!" he said. He looked around slyly and dumped a bunch of what looked like good kinds into different bags. He shoved them in the cart and went to the candy/snacks aisle. He muttered the things he got: "Flavor-Blasted Goldfish, Red Licorice, Hershey's Bars, Reese's, Kit Kats, Peppermints, Pringles low-fat chips, Lays, Ruffles, Ritz crackers, Nutter Butters, Oreos, Snickers, chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cookies, white chocolate chip cookies, snickerdoodles, chocolate and peanut butter flavored health bars…." The list went on forever.

Next Calvin went to the vegetable and fruit section. He grabbed some apples, carrots, potatoes, cauliflower, oranges, pears, and some other fruits. Then, off to the cash register. He grabbed some gum and mints, then jumped behind the meat section and scrambled up to a window using a ladder he saw. He struggled with his pockets—"Mmph, snort, oh you stupid-gotcha!"—and pulled out a glass cutter. Very quietly he cut a hole in the glass and pulled out his walkie-talkie.

"Boy Genius to Fanged Terror, do you read me? Over."

Hobbes' voice came out of the little device. "I read you, Boy Genius. Over."

"Run over to the back of the food store. I have the food—at least, most of it—and I need you to transport. Over." "Coming. Over." Calvin closed the w-t* and waited. Soon he looked through the window and he saw Hobbes, carefully avoiding the broken glass.

The tiger flung up some rope over a stone thing that jutted out and he pulled on the rope. The box he had tied it to shot up to Calvin, who placed the food in and scrambled in himself. Hobbes slowly brought it down, and Calvin jumped out. He nodded to Hobbes. "Thanks. That was pretty quick thinking."

"Oh, you know me. I'm the smartest tiger in the world." "And the coolest. Now get these home; I have to buy stuff now." Hobbes took the box of food and his supplies and took them back.

Calvin went around to the front of the store and entered. This time he went back to the meat place and said, "Can I order three pounds of tenderloin, and three pounds of beef sausages?" "Sure, kid. Hey, where are your parents?"

"Them? Oh, they're shopping for other stuff right now. They told me to order the meat."

"Ok. Want anything else?" "Hmm….how about six chicken legs and three big slabs of salmon." "That would be 30 bucks, kid."

As Calvin dug in his wallet, the guy leaned down and said, "Tell ya what. Just because I like your face, and you're buying so much, I'll give you another four chicken legs free of charge." Calvin's eyes widened. "Gee, thanks mister!" Calvin paid, collected his stuff, and walked out.

By now he was pretty tired, so he ran home, said the password, and flopped down on his bed. "Let's sleep 'till 8, and then try out our deep fat fryer, ol' buddy" said Calvin sleepily. But Hobbes had already fallen asleep.

The next night Calvin said to Hobbes, after a breakfast of the last of the cereal, "I'll deep fat fry some chicken legs, and you buy some breading and more cereal today, ok?" "Gotcha" agreed Hobbes. He grabbed his belt and went down the elevator. He jumped into the store and looked at the cereal section. "Let's see here….Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, Honey-Nut Cheerios, Lucky Charms with extra marshmallows (like Calvin needs more sugar), three different flavors of Cracker Jacks, and Frosted Flakes."

He gathered those and went to the frozen section. "Butter, orange juice, pink and regular lemonade, chocolate milk, Cookies n' Cream ice cream, Reese's ice cream, caramel and vanilla ice cream." On to the seafood. Hobbes looked up and said, "Four crab legs, three slabs of halibut, two slabs of cod, and 50 cooked shrimp, please." The person looked down and saw a stuffed tiger wearing a belt. He shrugged and wrapped up the stuff. "That would be $50" he said, turning to the cash register. When he looked up again, the stuffed tiger and the food were gone and a 50 bill was sitting on the counter.

He scratched his head and thought, "Isn't there a kid who always has stuffed tiger on the loose? And doesn't that kid always wear a red shirt and black pants, and has a funky haircut?" Then he said to the guy at the meat counter, "Have you seen a kid with a cool hairdo, yellow hair, with a red striped shirt and black pants come in yesterday?" "Actually, yes. He reminded me of the kid on…" It slowly sunk in. "…on the run…" the meat man said slowly. They looked at each other and one of them said, "I'll get my cell phone."

Meanwhile, Hobbes had picked up everything he needed and left. He had gone back to Calvin and said, "Snookababulika." "Correct. Come in." Hobbes flopped down in front of the computer. "Hmm….yes! I won another $1000 from that TV company! I'm going to go to the bank to collect it, and some other money. See you in a bit." Hobbes left the building again. When he would come back was uncertain.

Hobbes casually strolled down the walk, but avoided the crowds. He jumped on top of cars to cross streets, and hung from streetlights to get around.

When he reached the bank, he walked up to the front and the bank man heard a cheerful voice that he heard all the time: "I got some new money in. Can you open my account?" "Sure thing" the man replied. He looked down and took the stuffed tiger into the next room. "Write down your password here" the man said, pointing at a paper. He closed his eyes and when he opened them, Hobbes had written down his password. "Correct" the bank dude said.

He grabbed Hobbes and they walked down to the "big doors of dough". The bank dude, who's name was Ian, opened one and a pool of money flooded out. He spat out a 50 dollar bill and said, "How much do you want out?", not looking at Hobbes. "About, oh, $5,000?" "Ok, I'll grab it" said Ian. He dropped a bunch of money in front of the stuffed tiger, then piled up the rest of the money that had spilled out and threw it in the room. Then he struggled with pushing the door shut. He heard Hobbes say "Thanks" and retreating footsteps. Ian smiled. Nobody else believed that a stuffed tiger came in all the time. But he did. He worked with him.

As Hobbes, all of his money shoved in one of the many pockets in his belt wandered back home, three policemen watched from an alleyway. They closed their eyes and opened them repeatedly—_How did he get on a lamppost? What happened? One minute he was there and now he's there! How can a stuffed tiger climb up a building? It has no claws!—_and saw Hobbes in different positions. They quietly followed him back to Calvin.

Hobbes pressed the "up" button on the elevator and it opened. He went in and it closed. He said the password again and pooled out the money. "Wow!" said Calvin. "Now what do you say to some sleep?" "I'm with ya" Hobbes yawned.

"Not so fast, kid" said a threatening voice. Calvin snorted. "I can't believe you followed me here, Moe. You aren't as stupid as I thought."

"Wait" said the confused policeman. "I'm not Moe. My name's Earl." "I've never heard of you" said Calvin. "What do you want? And Hobbes, how come the burgler alarm didn't go off?" "Because Earl and his two friends are still in the elevator" replied Hobbes. Suddenly, he lunged.

"OW! How can—what the he—OWWWWCH!!! MOMMY!!!!" Earl clutched his face, as did the others. Their uniforms were shredded and their skin was all torn up.

"Ok kid, we demand an explanation!" "Well, that's Hobbes. He's a vicious man-eating tiger. Now I demand an explanation. Reveal yourselves!"

The three stepped into the lighted room and suddenly a loud alarm went off. "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOO!!" it shrieked. A sudden blast of air propelled the policemen back into the elevator. The doors closed and they rocketed down. Calvin chuckled and yelled down through a vent, "What's the password?"

Hobbes was roaring with laughter. Calvin and the tiger curled up in their sleeping bags and they quickly fell asleep.

*w-t will be my abbreviation for walkie-talkie in the rest of this story.


	5. Home Remodeling

Chapter Five: Home Remodeling

When Calvin woke up, he scratched a bug bite on his head and jumped onto the computer. He grabbed the credit card and looked up "How to Paint Walls". He found a good YouTube video and clicked that. When the guys voice started playing on the surround sound, Hobbes yawned and awoke. He checked the clock. "It's 7:30, Calvin."

"Hmm…good to know."

"You're normally sleeping in."

"Yeah…that's great."

"Has something been bothering you?"

"No…why do you ask?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes and walked over to the computer. "What are you doing?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm just learning how to paint walls," said Calvin. He gestured at their room. "This place is a dump. The wallpaper is peeling, the wood looks boring, and we don't even have a carpet! Do you see what I mean, Hobbes?"

Calvin paused the video, got up, and started pacing. "We're been spending time and money on food, and only food!" "Except for the surround sound and the computer." "Ok, but that's nothing. We need to buy more _stuff_,man!" Hobbes nodded. "So we're going to do home remodeling." "Exactly. Tonight's my night, so I'm going to spend this sleeping, if I need to get up early tomorrow." He yawned. "Fix some breakfast, Hobbes."

The tiger poured some milk into two bowls of cereal (Calvin's being Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and Hobbes' being Frosted Flakes) and they settled down to watch the rest of the YouTube video. Once that was done, Calvin went back to sleep and Hobbes read comic books. "Gee" he said. "It seems so quiet when Calvin's asleep." He jumped out of his sleeping bag and saw a door to another room. He opened it and looked in.

First off, this room was a lot bigger. There was a dresser, a bed, a bathroom (so far they had been using public restrooms), a lamp that needed a light bulb, and a big space for a TV. A nice, big, 48-inch screen TV. Hobbes would have shouted out, "Whoopie!" but Calvin was sleeping.

So he went back into their room, which looked so tiny compared to the other, and began to move their stuff into the room. Soon his sleeping bag was dragged into a corner, the food was thrust along another wall, and the computer was put next to the sleeping bag. Hobbes curled up in the bed and went to sleep.

It was when Calvin woke up and screamed, "WHERE DID ALL THE STUFF GO???!!!!" that Hobbes realized the bed had no sheets, or a cover. He walked out by Calvin and said, "It's in the other room." He led Calvin to it and Calvin screamed again, but this time it was something unintelligible.

"What time is it?" asked Calvin, getting thoroughly excited. "About 9:00, am" said Hobbes, looking at his watch. "Augh! I've got to GO!!" Calvin cried, and grabbed the $5,000 bucks Hobbes had gotten out of the bank. Hobbes rolled his eyes and went to the bank.

Calvin tore through the bottom floor of the building, then zoomed past people walking around, and finally reached Standard TV & Appliance.

He looked at the TVs, then asked a person, "Does this come with everything?"

The person didn't notice it was a kid asking. He said, "Yup. Everything. And if you buy satellite we'll throw in free on demand and a fridge."

"Sweet! How much?" "1,000 for tax and regular price." "I'll take it" said Calvin. "The cashier's up front" said the man. Calvin reached up to grab the TV. He then lowered it carefully to the ground, and pushed it up front.

The cashier looked at the TV, then said, "Is this all?" "I want to buy satellite, too." The cashier peered through his glasses at Calvin. "That would be 1,000 dollars for the TV and free year of satellite. After that, you have to pay 25 bucks every month." Calvin handed it over. The cashier was impressed. "You get a free fridge and On Demand, too. The fridges are over there. Show me the one you want." Calvn walked over and found a helper.

"What's available?" asked Calvin. "Well, for the depressed, we have a talking fridge" said the helper. He pressed a button on the fridge and a cheery voice said, "Be happy! You're alive, right?"

He then said, "For the tall basketball players, we have giant fridges— " Calvin looked up at a fridge that towered high above him.

"And for the basketball players with kids, we have a giant fridge with an elevator." Calvin's eyes grew wide again. "I'll take this one" he said to the cashier. "Hey, kid. You can't carry those home by yourself." Calvin shook his head sorrowfully. "No, I can't. And my parents are out today." "So, do you want these delivered?" "No, I'll get a taxi. See ya later." And Calvin pushed and pulled his things outside.

Hobbes was reading a comic book and eating Flavor-Blasted Goldfish when his w-t beeped. "Boy Genius to Fanged Terror, do you read me? Over."

Hobbes picked it up and said, "I read you. What's up, Ca-er, I mean Boy Genius?"

"I got us a TV, satellite, On Demand, and a giant fridge. Start making our former room into a kitchen, got it? I'll help you out later, too. Oh yeah, it's good we have really tall walls, because I got the biggest fridge. Over."

"That's awesome. What you need me to do? Over." "I'm taking a taxi to our alley. I want you to be hiding behind the corner. Over." "Gotcha. Over and out." Hobbes clicked off the w-t and ran down to the alley corner.

Calvin said to the driver, "Stop here." The driver helped Calvin lug out the TV and fridge (that they had to tie to the roof of the car because it was so big) and they set the items down by the corner. "That would be, oh, $5, young man." Calvin handed over the money and as soon as the taxi was gone, Hobbes crept out. "Did you bring the rope and box?" "Yup. And I left our window open." "You're the best, Hobbes."

The box, which was now made out of a huge discarded safe, carried the TV safely up to the window. Hobbes ran up and got the TV out. He put the safe out the window again and ran down to help Calvin push the fridge at least part-way in. Then they both ran up to pull. It took them a while, but they finally got it up.

When they stood it up, it touched the ceiling, which was many feet above their heads. Yes, even Hobbes'. "Now how big is this elevator?" the tiger asked as they stared up at it. "About my size. Don't worry. You can still open the fridge. But I don't think you can reach the handle." It was about three feet out of Hobbes' reach. "It's ok. I'll get what you want." Hobbes nodded. Calvin tried it out by pressing a button and two doors opened. He stepped in and pressed up. He traveled up about 4 flights and reached the top. He then went back down and stepped out. "Well, it's rather cold in there, but it works." They began to load all the food in. When they were done, it was about two in the afternoon and they went to sleep.

They woke up the next evening to take a nice break. They turned on the TV, just like at home, and ate a lovely breakfast. They both smiled, thinking, _I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, but I like it here in Live-Alone Land._


	6. Yo, Exterminator? My Condo Has Robbers

Chapter Six: Hello, Exterminator? My Condo Has Robbers

One usual morning (the two had refrained from living nocturnal because the police were no longer looking for the kid and his tiger), Calvin was watching the 8:00 news, simply because all of the cartoons had been postponed for noon. Hobbes came in yawning and said, "Whatcha watchin'?" "The news. All of the cartoons are going to be shown at noon." Hobbes fixed some toast and sat down next to Calvin, who was laughing his head off at a scene where a robber gave himself away by leaving his driver's license at a store.

Suddenly: "We interrupt our current viewing for this important broadcast." The scene switched to a picture of a man in his middle thirties, with dark brown hair and a short goatee. His eyes were grayish-hazel, with two missing teeth. "Joe Ertussher has recently escaped from prison. He was accused of robbing many houses and stealing from stores. Also, he was the known assassinator of three people, whose names will remain anonymous. Citizens around 64th Ave. and Clark St. should keep their eyes out, install burglar alarms if you haven't already, keep all animals inside—(Hobbes rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at the TV)—and keep your bank account numbers secret. Warning: this man is dangerous."

"Yeah, as if we didn't know that already" snorted Calvin, who turned off the TV and went to get dressed and go out for the day. As he pulled on some clothes in the bathroom, he said to Hobbes, "What do you think?" "About the escapee?" "Yeah." "Well, we have a burglar alarm, I don't go yelling my bank account number to the world, and 64th Ave is all the way across the town. So is Clark St. I don't think we have anything to fear from this guy." When Calvin got out he grabbed his coat, the credit card, and his free-for-five day's taxi service card (he had given the driver, who was called Lucas, a pie he had bought and in return had a free taxi service for five days. Two had been used already) and said to Hobbes, "Anything you need?" "Yes, I need a new can opener. Mine broke." "Ok, I'll be back in a bit."

Calvin stepped outside to pouring rain. He put his hood up and walked past the abandoned buildings to a sidewalk. He dug into his pocket and called Lucas on speed dial. "Hey, Luke." "Yo, Cal. What's up?" "I need a free ride to Fred Meyer." "Ok, I'll be right over." Calvin set his UltraPhone on sleep mode, and shivered. It was _cold_. To pass the time, he turned the phone back on and clicked on "Target". He then typed in the name of the person he wanted to find, and clicked the button. The screen honed in on Keepsafe St, number 409. He then typed in "Calculate distance from Keepsafe St to Hollow Lane". The words "a mile and a half" appeared on Calvin's screen and set his heart thumping. He shook his head and put on his headphones to listen to some music.

A bus painted like a taxi screeched up to the sidewalk. The door opened and Lucas said grandly, "Welcome to the Super-Cool Taxi-Bus!" "Awesome, you upgraded!" laughed Calvin. He was halfway there when a call came in on his phone. He flipped it open and said, "I'm not buying anything." He heard a sigh. "Oh, hi Hobbes. What's going on?" "_What's going on?? _I find a trap in my bed that catapulted me up to the ceiling, hit me with 60 _gallons_ of water balloons, attaches headphones to my ears and plays the absolute worst song in the world, then sprays me with honey, sticks me to a rope and swings back and forth until I barf into a bucket that tilts and _sprays my own barf at me…_"

_30 minutes later…._

…."and throws me onto my bed that's booby trapped with snowballs that automatically fling themselves at me, and you have the _nerve _to ask _what's going on_??" "Ooops, heh heh, forgot about that, Hobbes" said Calvin, grinning and snorting with laughter into the phone. "Yo, Calvin, we're here." "Sorry Hobbes, gotta go." As he hung up, Hobbes was growling at the other end. "Alrighty, thanks, Luke. I'll remember you in my will." As Calvin walked out, Lucas scratched his head, then shrugged and drove off.

Calvin lazily strode through the store, grabbing stuff he wanted. Then he used his UltraPhone's Silent Drill device and drilled through the wall, leaving a hole just big enough for him to crawl through. When he got out, he decided to walk home. It would be good exercise; he missed the days when he and Hobbes would play Calvinball on a grassy lawn or lay on a hill and watch the stars. As he casually strolled down the streets, he cast glances from side to side. He pulled out his phone and checked where Joe Ertussher was. He, well, I'll put it this way: if he had been a cartoon character, his jaw would have extended far below it's normal height, and his eyes would have shot out of their sockets. For his phone showed the convict no more than five blocks away.

Calvin began to run in the opposite direction, but he heard a pounding behind him. He gritted his teeth and zoomed ahead at top speed. The wind blew pas his spiky hair and not once did he glance behind him. When he reached a corner he quickly turned to his phone and tapped the "Internet" button. He looked for information about Ertussher, and found out a lot of stuff in the space of 1 minute. He found out that Ertussher despises the song "American Idiot" and "It's The End of the World As We Know It". He hates turkey hot dogs and plain marshmallows, along with Afro wigs and leather jackets. Calvin grinned, then set to "Music". He turned on American Idiot, which was actually an excellent song, and dug out a leather jacket and Afro wig. I do not know where he got those. Then he leapt out and started dancing to American Idiot while singing it in a terrible voice. The guy, who was almost at Calvin, shrieked and stuffed his fingers in his ears as he rolled on the ground, yelling, "I'M NOT LISTENING!! I'M NOT LISTENING!!" Calvin cracked up and accidentally turned off the music. At that, Ertussher bounded forward like a fox after a rabbit and grabbed Calvin before he could wriggle away. "Augh! Let me go, you _pig _dude!" screamed Calvin as he kicked at the man's arms. He might have tried to crack a 500-feet thick boulder with his pinky finger for all the effect it had on Ertussher. He dragged Calvin off, leaving a pile of food sitting on the corner. Soon Calvin found himself tied up in a room.

"Do you like it, kid? I had it upgraded," cackled Ertussher. Calvin struggled to no effect. He panted and gave up. "All right, Ertussher, you've got me. You captured a six-year-old with no parents and for no particular reason. Congrats." Erstussher pulled out some beef jerky and tore a piece off with his teeth. "Ah, but there is a reason. See, Calvin, I know you. I know you from when you still lived with your parents." Calvin stopped studying the rope and looked up at Ertussher. "Huh?" "That's right, kid. Even though you never saw me, I noted on how upset you were when your TV went missing." Calvin's eyes narrowed into slits. "So you were one of the robbers. One of the robbers that stole our stuff and made me worried sick about Hobbes." The man ate another beef jerky piece. "Right on, Calvin." "Well, why do you hate me? Why do you want to…er…what _are_ you going to do with me?" Ertussher lazily examined his fingernails, then said, "I was thinking of either freezing you in carbon liquid or interrogate you about entirely fictitious stuff, videotape it, and put it on YouTube." "Lovely." "And to answer your other question, well, the thing is…." He paused for a minute. Calvin was swinging back and forth in boredom. "Well, get on with it." "Fine. I hate you because you keep on annoying my niece and her friends." Calvin racked his brains until he came up with the only answer he had. "You're related to _Susie_??" "Yes, though she doesn't even know I exist. And after many years of ticking her off, I'm finally going to help the niece I was never able to meet….by freezing you in time _forever!!_" He laughed maniacally. Then he popped open a can of soda and slugged down the whole bottle in three minutes. He looked around, and then said, "I have to go to the bathroom."

As he rushed off, Calvin rolled his eyes and tried to wriggle good enough to pull out his cell phone when he finally had it, he typed in a call with his nose and said, "Hello, police? Joe Ertussher at Renter St., block 6, has captured me. The name's Calvin. Calvin Icaron. I'm wrapped up and he says he's going to interrogate me about entirely fictitious stuff, videotape it and put it on YouTube, then freeze me in carbon liquid for a million years. Yeah, that's what he said. Ok, bye. Bring pizza."

Immediately after the call, Ertussher rushed in. Calvin then asked sarcastically, "Have a good vacation?" "Har har, Calvin." "So tell me, Erstussher, what gave you the idea to become evil?" asked Calvin. "Well, I came back from the war without a job, so I decided to join a gang and rob for money. I should have been rolling in the dough after a few raids, but my partners took all the money. So I quit the gang after we raided your house, the house that held the kid who was responsible for making my niece's life miserable. Then I was caught, and sent to prison for a year. Next thing I know, I find a way out and I'm looking for you. I catch you, and now you're hear." He cackled again. "And now I'm going to freeze you!" He advanced on Calvin. "One more question" said Calvin calmly, checking his watch. "What do you think is the biggest flaw robbers have?" "Hmm, that's a tough one. I'd say wasting too much time explaining their plans and letting the police come." As if on cue, the police burst through the door. Joe Ertussher ran out of the room. "Thanks, guys. Hey, get me out of this thing." One of the police cut the rope and Calvin hopped out. Another policeman gave him a pizza. He grabbed a slice and pulled out a 10 dollar bill. He gave it to the police and said, "Thanks." Then he left.

He got home at 9:00. Hobbes pounced on him as soon as the elevator opened. As Calvin poked his head out between Hobbes' claws, he grinned and said, "Ah, good times."

**A/N: Joe Ertussher will be in the rest of the story as the reacurring villan. Thanks to everybody for reviews, suggestions and support. I couldn't have done it without my faithful fans. **

**I made up the surname Icaron for Calvin, just so he can be called by his last name by his new archenemy. It's SOOO much cooler that way.**

**And finally, I ripped off The Simpsons in here. Please don't sue me.**


	7. I Don't Remember Where I Live

Chapter Seven: I Don't Remember Where I Live

After Hobbes had finished beating Calvin up, the kid threw up his hands in surrender.

"Are you done? If so, I've got some news."

"Yes, I'm done."

"Well, where to begin?" Calvin scratched his chin in mock thoughtfulness. "Let's see, a guy who's Susie's uncle tried to murder me by freezing me in a locker and keeping me there for 50 years, but I escaped by calling the police and now the guy's probably going to break out again and cut me in half with an axe."

Hobbes blinked a few times and then asked blankly, "Would you like fries with that?"

Calvin sighed loudly and shook him. "It's true! Look at the news tomorrow!"

Hobbes walked to the computer and typed in, "Tomorrow's News." He came up with 23,600,548 different places. Hobbes clicked on the first one. Sure enough, the front page article said, "Joe Ertussher Back In Prison" and the subtitle was, "Young Child Almost Frozen in Liquid Carbon."

Hobbes looked at Calvin. "Wow" he whistled. "You can get into that much trouble in just one day."

"Susie's granddad never seemed like much of a smart, anyway."

Hobbes scratched his head. "We have to get away from here. Even if this guy's not very smart, he's probably got some cronies with him. And I'll bet you 50 bucks he's got a smart guy with him called 'The Brain.'"

"You're on. Maybe we could move."

"How? We don't have a car."

"That, my friend, is what we have money for."

"But we don't know how to drive."

"We can learn."

"We're under 16! Or at least you are. I don't know how old I am."

"I can stand on your head."

"Oh, whoopee."

"All right, all right, we won't get a car," grunted Calvin. Then his face lit up. "I know! We can order plane tickets and fly to China! Then we can learn to become ninjas and join the ultimate fighting order!"

"I think you've been watching too many movies. But the plane thing's a good idea" said Hobbes.

"Methinks thou hast an idea to mind as well, yes?" said Calvin in Shakespearian accent.

"Ummmm…."

Calvin sighed. "Do you have an idea?" he asked him.

"Well, we could either buy tickets, go aboard the plane, and be known, or we could sneak aboard and not spend any money, try not to be caught, and sit on suitcases in the cargo hold."

"I vote for the first."

"Aye."

Calvin looked up at the fridge. "But how are we going to pack _that?_"

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Duh. We call a moving van." "Oh. Right."

Calvin looked around. "You know, I think we should take a walk up to that forest that we first saw the city from. For old times' sake."

Hobbes nodded sadly. "We may never be able to take a walk in the forest again."

So the two grabbed walking sticks from beside the doorway and set off, going down the elevator. Calvin pointed north. "There's the forest. I can see it.

They tried to keep the forest in sight as they wound their way through streets and alleyways. Finally they found themselves at the base of a hill, lightly speckled with grass. As Calvin looked up at the forest many memories flooded through his mind.

_Calvin was walking under a tree. There is a rustling and Hobbes jumps out, landing on him. Hobbes looks at Calvin sternly and says, "You wouldn't last a minute in the jungle." Calvin yells back, "That's why I live HERE, you dolt!"_

_Calvin was racing through the forest with an orange flag. He crashes through bushes, pushes away branches, clambers across a wooden bridge and finally climbs a tree, puts the flag in a fork, and grabs the other flag. Then it's back across the forest. When he reaches a clearing, he yells "Time!" and Hobbes exclaims, "Wow! A new record!"_

_Two tigers sit on opposite sides of a rock. At least, one is a tiger. The other is Calvin, dressed up like a tiger. Hobbes rolls a the rock slightly to Calvin, sticks out his tongue, and says, "Your side is smaller." Calvin shouts, "Hey!"_

Calvin sighed. "Come on, Hobbes."

The two walked up the hill and entered the forest. Birds chirped and small creatures raced across the floor. They soon had walked for about an hour.

It was when Calvin accidentally tripped and fell that he realized he had been there before. He felt, under his feet, tire treads and dips. "Hobbes" he said. "Remember this place?"

Hobbes knelt down and ran his finger lightly over the treads. "I didn't know we've been here."

"It must have been when Mom and/or Dad had to go to some meeting and stay in a hotel. We must have brought the wagon."

Calvin looked up at the tall branches of the trees and suddenly asked, "What month is it?"

"It's November, Calvin. The beginning of November. Do you never look at your calendar?" snorted Hobbes.

"Well, no, because I also don't know what day it is."

Hobbes slapped his forehead. "Wow."

"I know, it's awesome, isn't it?"

"No, Calvin."

"I mean the sunrise, Hobbes."

Hobbes lifted his head from his hands and found that they had taken a loop and were facing the city again. The sun was a glowing ball of yellow-ish orange on the horizon. As Calvin stared out across the city, he felt like the setting of the November sun was like the falling of his old life, and the rising of his new.

Calvin shook his head. "Woah, I actually felt philosophical for a minute there."

"That was a nice forest. Now come on, Calvin, let's go home."

"Um, sure, Hobbes. One little problem, though."

"What?"

Calvin grinned sheepishly. "I don't remember were we live."

"Don't you have it programmed into your GPS in your UltraPhone?"

"I did, but there was a bug and I did a complete wipeout of it, and I forgot to program our coordinates back into it."

Hobbes slapped his forehead. Again. "Great, _now_ how are we going to get home?"

Calvin thought. He remembered that he had been going north, slightly northwest when they had left, and they were on Hollow Lane, that an idea sprung to his mind.

"We'll walk around the streets, and ask for somebody who knows where Hollow Lane is. We'll take it from there."

Hobbes sighed. "I guess that's the only thing we can do, but you've forgotten something, Calvin." He held up the cell phone and wiggled it.

"Ah! You're a genius, Hobbes."

He dialed Lucas' phone number and waited for him to pick up. Soon he did.

"Hello?" "Hey, man, it's Calvin. I kinda need some help." "What kind of a pickle did you get yourself in now?" "I'm lost. See, I took a walk in the forest and now I can't find Hollow Lane." "Okay, I'll come by and pick you up if you just walk down to outside that giant building with the flashing lights." "All right, we'll be there."

Calvin closed his phone. "Come on, Hobbes, we need to walk to the Christmas building." He pointed to the building with lights flashing on and off. Hobbes nodded and they set off down the hill.

But when they got down into the streets, they couldn't see the flashing lights on the building, so Calvin tugged on a guy's shirt. "Excuse me, my good man, but can you direct me to the Christmas building?"

The guy blinked.

"You know, the one with the flashing lights?" prompted Calvin.

"Oh, the Santa Toy Company. Just go to your left, then up, then right, and then look for the sign."

"Thank you, sir."

Calvin and Hobbes rushed to their left. Then up. Then right.

Hobbes looked around. "Well, there's the building. Come on, Calvin."

But Calvin was staring, open-mouthed, at the entrance of another building, where a man stepped out whom Calvin knew all too well.

"Run!" he hissed at Hobbes. "It's Ertussher!"

"I thought he was in prison?"

"He escaped, duh."

They darted towards the building and blasted inside. They then sat down on some chairs. The receptionist asked, "Can I help you, young man?"

"Yes you can!" gasped Calvin. "There's a convict outside that wants to freeze me in carbon liquid for a million zillion years!"

"Hey, you're that kid from the news! Where are your pa—" "And he's coming out of that building! AUGH!"

The receptionist tried to grab him as he made a run for it, but he zoomed to the door, broke it down and screamed like all the hunting hounds of the world were after him. Hobbes followed.

Ertussher noticed him pretty quick and tried to grab him like the receptionist, but Calvin kicked and punched and bit and tickled (don't ask) and Ertussher let him go. Hobbes bared his teeth and hissed at Ertussher, and suddenly the convict felt exploding pain across his face. Three red lines ran across it.

The two hid in an alleyway until they finally saw the familiar taxi pull up. They darted across and hopped in.

"Hey, Calvin" said Lucas. "Strap yourself in; I'm testing the new speed limit." "Blast it up, Luke, we're in a hurry." As they drove past Ertussher, Calvin made a face at him and screamed, "HA HA HA HAAAA! NOW WE'RE GOING TO NEW YORK AND YOU'LL NEVER FIND US! NEVER!"

Hobbes slapped himself in the forehead. For the third time that day.

"Calvin, you just told him where we're going!" he snapped. "Now he's gonna get us again!"

But once they were out of the area, Calvin grinned at Hobbes. "No, I told him where he _thinks_ we're going. We haven't booked our flight yet."

"Calvin, you're a genius. I take back one fourth of all the mean things I've ever said about you."

"Well, thank you."

When Calvin and Hobbes got home, the former got on the computer and the latter looked at a map of the U.S.

"Okay, Hobbes, what should I look up?"

"Plane tickets for Thursday."

"Why Thursday?"

"That gives us enough time to pack and call a moving van. Today's Tuesday."

There were clicking noises, and then Calvin asked, "How about Pennsylvania?"

Hobbes came over and peered at the computer screen. "What time does it leave?" "8:30 in the morning" said Calvin.

"Does it snow there?" "Yes." "Then sure, let's go."

Calvin had just booked his ticket when he asked, "Hobbes, do you think I need to book a ticket for you? You are a cat."

"Well" said Hobbes, "I think that because I'm an animal, I don't need a ticket." "Cool, that means I only need to book one ticket."

Calvin clicked a few more keys and then he swiveled around in his chair. "We are now officially almost Pennsylvanians." "Sweet!" cheered Hobbes.

Calvin picked up his phone and called the nearest moving company.

"Hello, I'm moving to Pennsylvania and I would like to call a moving van. I would like the Extra-Large, please. How much would that total to? Okay, thank you."

"How much is it?" asked Hobbes, slurping a soda. "Over a thousand dollars. But we're fine, right?"

"Yup."

Calvin thought for a moment. "You know, Hobbes, if we're gonna be on a plane for a while, we're gonna need some food and stuff. And you know what that means…."

Hobbes face lit up. "Shopping spree!" they cheered.


	8. Fun with Stacks and Stacks of Cash

Chapter Eight: Fun With Stacks and Stacks of Cash or Ebay

Calvin and Hobbes woke up the next morning and tried to contain their excitement.

This lasted for about five seconds.

"OBOY!! IT'S SHOPPING DAY!!!" yelled Calvin. Hobbes did a double backflip with a twist. "I'll get all our money out of the bank" he said, and rushed off. Calvin quickly dragged some cardboard boxes out of a back cabinet and shoved some of their smaller items into it.

Hobbes returned from the bank with many large stacks of cash. He dumped them in a pile in the main room and panted. "I should have ordered a delivery truck," he wheezed.

Calvin pushed another box filled with stuff out and gaped at the money. "How?" was the only thing he was able to say. "I have an incredible ability to buy good stocks," said Hobbes after a pause. "Well, now we know we won't run out. Good work, ol' buddy."

Hobbes looked at the boxes and checked them over.

"Alarm clock, iHome, cutlery, pots, pans, cups, glasses, dishes, bowls, plates, most of our toys, the bedsheets, your clothes…..heck, the list goes on forever" said Hobbes with a whistle.

"Yeah, I got a lot packed while you were gone. Say, are Fred Meyer, Game Crazy, Toy Heaven, and DVD Land open yet?" Hobbes checked his phone.

"Yup." "Cool, let's go!"

Calvin pulled on a jacket and picked up his phone. They walked out into pouring rain and Calvin yanked out an umbrella from one of his various pockets. Calvin flagged a taxi and checked his wallet. He had $5,316. "Take us to Fred Meyer, then wait for us and go to Game Crazy, wait for us, then Toy Heaven, wait for us, and finally DVD Land, wait for us and take us back here." The taxi driver blinked.

"Umm, kid, how much stuff are you going to buy?" "Oh, at least $5,000 worth" replied Calvin cheerfully.

"It probably won't fit in the car." "No problem."

Calvin fiddled around with his phone as he explained, "I've been working on inventing more, and I have installed into my phone my one and only version of CalBox 1.0." He pressed a button on the back and a small cardboard box unfolded itself.

"See, I was trying to fit a compartment into my phone one day, and I reached my hand into the box feeling nothing but empty space. I accidentally dropped my screwdriver, and when I yelled at the box, 'Give back my screwdriver!' I groped around in the box and it went right in my hand. It appeared I had discovered some sort of…sub-dimension, let's call it, with indefinite storage space and an odd ability to return something if you call it. It's kinda confusing." The driver just blinked a few more times and said blankly, "Okay, sure, get in."

Calvin put his phone back in his pocket (the CalBox folded itself back up) and Hobbes walked in as well. The drive to Fred Meyer was uneventful, except for Calvin yelling "I'LL SUE YOU! LIAR! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M A **GENIUS**!!" outside at a person who told a 'dumb blond' joke to his friend.

The driver parked in a lot. "Here you are," he said, opening the door. "Thanks, man. Anything I can get ya?" He paused. "A bag of potato chips. Extra salty." "Right-o, let's do this thing, Hobbes."

The kid and tiger, armed with over 5,000 dollars and an indefinite amount of storage space. Calvin and Hobbes pulled out their UltraPhones and put on some headphones. They turned on the same song, "Ebay", by Weird Al.

_Yeah._

They entered the store. Calvin pointed his fingers to the right and left. "I'll go this way and you go that way," he said to Hobbes. He nodded and pulled out his own $5000. "Bring it."

_A used pink bathrobe, a rare mint snowglobe,_

Calvin scanned the aisles. He pulled out five packages of every kind of Pop-Tart, about 10 boxes of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, and two boxes of every other kind of sugary cereal. He looked at a cereal that had a picture of a snowman on the cover, shrugged and tossed that in the cart too.

_A Smurf TV tray, I bought on Ebay._

Hobbes was in the canned seafood aisle. He grabbed a few cans of tuna, looked at the boxes that were stacked to the ceiling, and piled half of them in. He shoved the cart overflowing with tuna boxes into his HoBox (which was just a CalBox with stripes painted on it) and went to the front of the store to get another cart.

_My house is filled with this crap. Shows up in bubble wrap, most every day. What I bought on Ebay._

Do you know that Calvin loved oatmeal cookies? He adores the things. But he absolutely hates raisins. So you can imagine what happened by the cookie aisle.

_Tell me why I need another pet rock, tell me why I bought that elf alarm clock, tell me why I bid on Shatner's old toupee. They had it on Ebay._

Hobbes had just returned with another cart and was shoving the rest of the tuna boxes in it when he heard a loud scream from across the store. "WHATTYA _MEAN_ THERE'S ONLY OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES??!! WHERE IS IT WRITTEN THAT OATMEAL COOKIES _HAVE_ TO HAVE RAISINS?? HUH?! _WHERE,_ BUB?!" Hobbes smiled and shoved his second cart into his HoBox.

_I'll buy your knickknacks. Just check my feedback. A++ they all say. They love me on Ebay._

Once he had calmed down, Calvin ignored the oatmeal cookies and made up for the loss of his precious oatmeal with an extra four boxes of everything else. He gave the aisle one last check, and then remembered to grab five things of Ho-Hos, Ding-Dongs, and Twinkies.

_Gonna buy a slightly damaged golf bag. Gonna buy some Beanie Babies new with tag, from some guy I've never met in Norway. Found him on Ebay._

Hobbes ordered a bunch of meat and more seafood. He snatched some packages of ice cream cones and ice cream itself. Snapping his fingers, he remembered to grab a Hot/Cold bag to keep it in. He got some popsicles and various drinks preferred cold, and put them in also. He grabbed the last Extra-presso Mocha Cream after scanning the ice cream shelves a last time, just before a man in his upper thirties. Hobbes stuck out his tongue and made stupid faces because the man couldn't see him. In a slouch, the guy walked away.

_I am the type who is liable to snipe you with two seconds left to go, whoa._

Calvin spent at the most a minute in the vegetable freezer area. He picked some potatoes, carrots, and cauliflower. The fruit he spent a bit more time in: enough to grab the last few melons of summer, bananas, and various berries. He saw a guy with the last bag of extra-salty potato chips and traded his $15 for it.

_Got PayPal or Visa, whatever'll please ya, as long as I've got the dough._

Hobbes chose five frozen pizzas, all with half anchovies half cheese. On another aisle, he got six different types of noodles, and then 13 packages of microwave burritos. Panting, he stopped for a rest, and then headed to where he would meet Calvin: the candy/gum aisle.

_I'll buy your tchotchkes. Sell me your watch please. I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy…._

Calvin snapped up 15 more bags of potato chips and dropped his second cart into his CalBox. He grinned as he zipped to the front of the store. To the candy!

_I'm highest bidder._

Hobbes was sidetracked by about seven cases of smoked salmon and a giant box of cheese-filled crackers shaped like comic book characters.

_Junk keeps arriving in the mail, from that worldwide garage sale._

Calvin almost forgot the milk, bread, and soup, so he had to go off a few aisles to get them, but soon he got lost. He ended up in the pet section. He smirked as he got a great idea for a prank on Hobbes. Now on his third cart, he reached for some rubber dog toys.

_(Dukes of Hazzard ashtray) Hey, a Dukes of Hazzard ashtray. Oh yeah, I bought it on Ebay._

Calvin and Hobbes finally reached the candy aisle. Calvin gave a "steak" to Hobbes, who bit into it gleefully only to spit it out when he found out it was made of plastic. Calvin compensated for this by buying him about three extra of his favorite Hershey's Cookies and Cream candy bars.

_Wanna buy a PacMan fever lunchbox. Wanna buy a case of vintage tube socks. Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre (used by Dr. Dre…hey)._

Calvin almost forgot the snack crackers, and Hobbes ran to get them as Calvin picked out the candy. He chose 30 mini M&M tubes, 25 M&M bags (chocolate and peanut butter), 25 large Reese's Pieces bags, 30 King Size packs of Reese's, 25 King Size packs of Kit Kats, 25 King Size regular Butterfingers and Butterfinger Crisps (each), 30 packs of Razzapple Magic Fun Dip…..if I listed all the candy, it'd take me about a week to write down it all.

_Wanna buy that Farrah Fawcet poster. Pez dispensers and a toaster._

Hobbes grabbed 30 bags of Nutter Butters, 16 jumbo party bags of tortilla chips, a heck of a lot of guacamole dip, another cooler, another Hot/Cold bag, and finally he rushed to the cash register to meet Calvin.

_Don't know why that kind of stuff you'd throw away I'll buy on Ebay._

Calvin pooled his and Hobbes' money and bought all their stuff. The guy working the cash register stared after them and their mountainous pile of food and bags and a cooler. Calvin and Hobbes laughed and gave each other a high five as they exited the store through a automatic door.

_What I bought on Ebay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y_

Calvin handed the taxi driver his potato chips. "Here ya go, my man. Enjoy." "Thanks, kid,"

Calvin and Hobbes settled down in the back of the taxi. "Whew!" What a…" Calvin checked his watch. "…two and a half hours. Wow, it's only ten. To Game Crazy, driver!"

* * *

Around 5:30 p.m., the kid and tiger collapsed on their beds. "Well, at least we got our shopping done" commented Hobbes as his sides heaved. "Yeah" gasped Calvin.

The day ended well, watching late-night TV shows until they fell fast asleep.

Hobbes woke up in the middle of the night on the couch. He felt as if someone was watching him….

He sat upright with a jolt and saw two eyes, brown, glittering at him from the room.

His green eyes shot open and he shook Calvin. The kid snorted and grunted, "What, Hobbes?"

"It's Ertussher!" the tiger hissed as the menacing figure lurched closer.

**A/N: Cliffhanger! Calvin's "oatmeal raisin cookie" rant is mainly based off of me whenever I go cookie shopping...where is it written, hmm? Two more chapters and then the sequel. I hope you guys liked this story and continue to like it as I finish it off with a car chase, a wacky plane ride, and two new characters that introduce the sequel.**


	9. To Pennsylvania

Chapter Nine: To Pennsylvania or Big Time

Calvin blinked, and looked at the hulking figure in the doorway, it's eyes flaming. He whipped out his Transmogrifyer Gun and zapped him. He quickly turned into a cockroach. "Now, why didn't I think of that earlier?" he wondered as he chucked the cockroach out the window.

Why did Calvin turn him into a cockroach?

I don't know. But it was the first mistake that would make problems in his life later.

Hobbes turned to look at his friend slowly. "You-had-that-thing-this-whole-time-AND YOU NEVER CHANGED HIM INTO A RANDOM LIVING THING??!!"

Hobbes pounced Calvin, and they fought for a few minutes until Calvin said, "You do know we have to get up at 5:30 in the morning?"

Hobbes stopped beating Calvin's head on the wall and thought for a moment. "Oh, yeah. Okay, fight paused until further notice."

They went back to sleep. Far below, on the pavement, a cockroach with a highly advanced brain crawled under a hole-riddled bucket. His tiny insect eyes waited slowly for the morning…

The moving van came on Thursday at 5:30 in the morning. Calvin helped the worker load up the truck. He looked up at the abandoned building where the kid lived.

"I thought that nobody lived there anymore," he said when asked about the state of it. Calvin shrugged. "Well, when you live alone, it's better than living off the streets."

The guy opened his mouth like he was about to ask a question, but Calvin walked away, whistling. Then he yelled to Hobbes, who was waiting by the window, "Hey! Fuzzball! Let down the TV!" to which Hobbes yelled back, "Make me!"

_Ah, déjà vu._

Calvin hopped on one foot, patted his head and rubbed his tummy, all the while singing, "Tigers are great! Tigers rock the world! Tigers are vicious! They're totally cool!"

As the box dropped down with the TV in it, Calvin shouted up to Hobbes, "THAT DOESN'T EVEN RHYME!!!"

The worker slapped his hand to his forehead and took the TV from Calvin, putting it in a large box that was padded on the inside with Styrofoam and those bubble thingies that you can pop.

"Alrighto, that's the last load. So do I pay you now, or when we get to our destination?" Just in case, Calvin pulled out his wallet and fingered a $1,000 bill.

"When I get to Pennsylvania and the place where you'll live," replied the worker, and then he saluted Calvin, hopped into the moving van, and drove off.

Calvin grinned. "Now all we have to do is get a ride to the airport."

Calvin walked inside and yelled at Hobbes, "Get your backpack, we're leaving!"

As Calvin called Lucas to pick him up, a brown thing huddled under a bunch of boxes labeled "Bed" and "Computer", waiting to arrive in Pennsylvania. He wasn't going to get tired.

For this insect, his victims weren't suspecting him at all. He had a long time to plot….

Calvin and Hobbes grabbed their backpacks and rushed into Lucas' taxi. "To the airport, Lukey! And step on it!" he yelled. Lucas raised his eyebrows. "Lukey?"

Calvin shrugged. "You needed a weird nickname so I could yell the famous 'And step on it!' phase."

Lucas rolled his eyes.

The drive was uneventful for exactly three minutes, 27 seconds. Then Calvin casually looked out the rearview window.

"Um…Luke?" "Yeah, Calvin?" "I'd say a Code Omigosh-there's-a-creepy-dude-with-a-mask-driving-past-the-speed-limit-behind-us."

Lucas looked out the rearview window too. Behind them was a red Volvo and the guy driving wore a black ski mask. "Woah, so there is. Car chase mode!"

He pressed a button. The average taxi quickly shifted into a sleek, fast little sports car with yellow and black on its side and a little "Cab" sign on the top.

Calvin and Hobbes didn't know this, of course. So they simply raised their eyebrows at each other. Then they tumbled against their seats as they shot over the roads. "YOWZA!! THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!!!" screamed Calvin.

But the chaser just went faster. Soon Lucas was moving swiftly through the cars on the freeway, going back and forth between lanes, and soon the chaser fell behind. "Yeah!" cheered Hobbes.

A few minutes later they pulled into the airport. Calvin looked at the time on his phone. "OMIGOSH WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!! COME _ON_, HOBBES!!" Hobbes grabbed his backpack and rushed out.

Calvin waved to Lucas. "Bye, man. We had some good times."

Lucas grinned. "Ah, so we did. Enjoy Pennsylvania, Cal."

Hobbes looked at his phone as they darted inside the airport. "Calvin, we're not late, it's 7:00!"

"Yes, but I'm hungry, and I want to pick up a Missouri souvenir."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

They ate a good greasy breakfast at a McDonalds.

Calvin stopped by a store and bought a shirt that said, "I Left My Butt in Missouri….But It Grew Back." Hobbes was eternally grateful that there wasn't a picture on the shirt.

They spent the next 10 minutes trying to find their gate number.

"The flight from Moberly, Missouri nonstop to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania will take off from gate B26" a feminine voice announced over a microphone.

Hobbes looked at the sign over their heads: they were in gate A. Calvin looked at a map of the airport. "Good, we've just gotta go down that hallway and keep walking" he said.

Then the feminine voice appeared again: "Correction: the flight from Moberly, Missouri nonstop to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania will take off from gate **Z**26." Hobbes groaned.

30 minutes later, the feminine voice spoke again: "Correction: the flight from Moberly, Missouri nonstop to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania will take off from gate **G**26." Calvin's face turned red and Hobbes growled before taking off yet again.

As they just reached gate G, the dreaded _voice_ spoke again. "Correction: the flight from Moberly, Missouri nonstop to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania will take off from gate **C**26." "Sheesh, you sound like my mother!" grumbled Calvin as they kept running.

Yes, I'm through torturing them for a while.

The two finally slumped down in two chairs; it was 8:29. The ticket-checker at the entrance to the plane quickly called out, "May all First Class passengers and disabled persons please board the plane."

They jumped up and darted to get in line. Calvin got his ticket checked with a queer look from the checker because he was arguing with Hobbes at the time. They found their seats and leaned back, sighing contentedly.

Hobbes fingered the seat dial. "I wonder how far these things can go back?" As if in answer, Calvin yanked his and then he was completely on his back until the passenger behind him told him to pull up.

They pulled out some comic books and read until a voice rang out, "This is your captain speaking. We are preparing for takeoff. Please store all items in you compartment under the seat in front of you or in the above baggage storage."

They shoved their comics back in their bag and mashed their faces out the window. They had never been in a plane before.

The plane was going slowly onto the runway and when it was fully on the runway, it stopped. Then it revved u and picked up speed until they were zooming across the ground. "Wheee!" cheered Calvin as they launched into the air.

Not that far off the ground, the captain said, "We have reached an altitude of 3,000 feet. Passengers may now use electronic devices." Calvin plugged some headphones into a radio installed into the arm of his chair and switched to an alternative/rock station. He grinned as the radio switched from a commercial break to the song "Big Time" by Peter Gabriel. Hobbes plugged into the same station.

_Hi there._

Calvin pulled out his UltraPhone to play a game. His eyes steadily got wider as he made it through five levels. He was just about to finish a set of missions when he was interrupted by an "Incoming Call" message that flashed across the screen.

_I'm on my way and I'm making it. I've got to make it show, yeah._

Hobbes was reading his comic book when he dozed off. He began to have a dream that he was fighting against another tiger that was roaring viciously. He struck it across the face once, twice, three times. Then he turned and clawed the side of its face and kicked it in the stomach.

_So much larger than life. I'm gonna watch it growing, hey hey hey heyyyy._

Calvin grumbled loudly and when the person who had called him got through, he yelled, "WHADDOYA THINK YOU'RE DOING, INTERRUPTING MY PRIVATE LIFE WITH YOUR STUPID CALLS!! WELL YOUR MOTHER HAD XXXXXXXXXXXL PANTS!!" Around that part of his rant, Hobbes turned and started to claw him, and kicked him too. "YOW!! HOBBES, QUIT IT!!" Calvin screamed away from the phone. Hobbes was jolted awake when Calvin shook him. Then the crazy kid turned back to the phone and screamed, "I HOPE YOU DIE OF MAD COW DISEASE, YOU FREAK!!"

Hobbes scratched his head. "Calvin, I had the weirdest dream! Another tiger was attacking me! What do you think it means?" Calvin rubbed his stomach, where he had been kicked, and shouted, "IT MEANS YOU'RE NEVER DOZING OFF NEAR ME, AGAIN!!" and then turned off his phone.

_The place where I come from is a small town._

Calvin was bored, and soon switched to one of his multiple fantasies.

'Spaceman Spiff is being held captive by the dreaded Hobbeslar!' thought Calvin as he slowly unbuckled his seatbelt.

_They think so small, they use small words._

Hobbes pulled out a comic book and casually raised a hand to flip the light switch. Calvin's eyes bulged. 'Our hero sees the Hobbeslar reach to press the button to call the guards! Spiff must contact his allies!'

_But not me, I'm smarter than that. I've worked it out._

Hobbes was just about to press the button when a voice screamed, "SPACEMAN SPIFF JUMPS THROUGH THE AIR!!" and Calvin began to press the Call Attendant button like crazy. A stewardess walked over and began to say, "May I hel—" "THANK GOODNESS!! IT'S SPIFF'S TRUSTY CO-PILOT, STEWARD!! QUICK, STEW, FIRE THE PHASERS!!!"

Calvin sprang for the cart but Hobbes pulled him back in time and locked him back into his seat. Turning to the flustered stewardess, he apologized, "He's been closed up for a while." The poor stewardess went back, not hearing Hobbes.

_I'll be stretching my mouth to let those big words come right out._

Calvin then contented himself with staring out the window for a while. He looked down at multiple cities, countrysides, and golf courses.

_I've had enough. I'm getting out._

Hobbes turned a movie on and watched it for a while, then switched it to Bugs Bunny. He roared with laughter at an episode that contained hilarious jokes, dynamite, and falling anvils.

_To the city. The big big city._

Calvin fell asleep and has some pretty vivid dreams. He woke up screaming.

_I'll be a big noise with all the big boys._

Hobbes read the Sky Mall magazine and ordered everything he thought was cool. On the address art, he just wrote down, "Look for a house with black and orange stripes."

Hobbes is kind of a narcissist, isn't he?

_So much stuff I will own._

Calvin was bored again, so he started to recite his own pledge of allegiance. "I pledge allegiance to sugary cereal, and sticking my tongue out. And to the tigers, for which it stands; one nation, under me, indestructible, with junk food and parties for me."

_And I will pray to a big god as I kneel in a big church._

Hobbes called a steward and bugged Calvin until he asked for a soda. Hobbes got a full can of Coke to try and keep him awake. He hadn't forgotten what Calvin said.

Normally he would do it just to spite the kid. But this time he wanted to stay up.

_Big time; I'm on my way and I'm making it big time._

Calvin turned and asked Hobbes, "What would happen if somebody broke the plane window?" Hobbes shrugged. Calvin pulled out his phone and searched, "Broken plane window." All he got were a bunch of entries on YouTube. He shrugged back at Hobbes and watched videos for a while.

_Big time; I've got to make it show, yeah, big time._

Soon it was time for lunch. The stewards and –esses brought menus to each passenger and asked if they wanted a drink. Calvin ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup and a Sprite, and a ham sandwich for Hobbes.

The stewardess wondered why he wanted two sandwiches, because, of course, she couldn't see Hobbes like Calvin did, but she remembered the most important rule: _The customer is always right_. So she simply nodded and walked off.

_Big time; so much larger than life._

Hobbes was polishing his claws when their meals came. He dug into his ham sandwich as soon as the stewardess had left. Calvin dunked his entire sandwich into his soup and ate it. Then he shoved his whole face into it and made loud slurping noises.

_Big time; I'm gonna watch it growing, big time._

Calvin watched two episodes of the Simpsons on his UltraPhone, and then went, "DA, DA DA DA DA, DA DA DA DA DA DA DA!!!" into the air conditioner/heat vent.

Meanwhile, a dude was trying to straighten out a piece of metal somewhere above Calvin's seat, and "DA, DA DA DA DA, DA DA DA DA DA DA DA!!!" rang out and blasted him full off his feet. He grumbled and continued working.

_Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh._

Hobbes said to Calvin, "I think we should write down all the things we're going to do once we get to Pittsburgh." Calvin nodded and pulled out some paper.

_My parties have all the big names, and I greet them with the whitest smile._

"Let's see", Calvin thought, "How about, 'Go tobogganing until brains fall out of ears', 'Try and invent a whole buncha random stuff' and 'Drown myself in comic books.' I mean seriously, we've got like half a million dollars in there."

_Tell them how my life is one big adventure_

Hobbes wrote down, 'Have a seafood feast', 'Buy that Guitar Hero game I've always wanted' and 'Never go on one of Calvin's crazy time trips again.'

_And always they're amazed when I show them 'round my house to my bed._

Calvin asked for today's newspaper when a stewardess came by, and he looked at the sports section. Hobbes raised an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't like sports." "Don't like playing them. Watching them, however, is fine." He scanned the pages and said, "Hey, the Steelers play next Saturday. Wanna go?" "Sure" replied Hobbes, chowing down on a tuna sandwich. "Any excuse to pig out and get hyper is fine for me."

_I had it made like a mountain range with a snow white pillow for my big fat head._

Calvin pulled out his laptop and played games on the internet. He gave Hobbes a blow-by-blow commentary, whether he liked it or not. "Gaah! Meep! HA HA, TAKE THAT!! Yaah! Blam, and you're dead! Ho-ya! Slam bam bambadoo BASH!! BWAH HA HA!!!" "SHUT UP!!" Hobbes screamed. Calvin rolled his eyes. "Fine, Mr. No Fun."

_And my heaven will be a big heaven, and I will walk through the front door._

Hobbes read a comic book and his eyes widened at many different points. At one time, he dropped dead away. Calvin grinned nastily and pulled out a kit from his bag. He took out some gross-looking stuff in two bottles and a feather. He then smeared the contents of one on Hobbes' hand, and used the feather to tickle his nose. Like all those TV shows, Hobbes slapped himself and smeared gunk all over his face. His eyes blinked open and he stared at his hand. "Sorry, ol' buddy, but that sandwich I ate was tainted" said Calvin with a smirk. "Nonsense, this is your fake barf." "No…" Calvin held up the other bottle. "_This _is my fake barf." Hobbes' eyes bulged and he let out a scream as he raced for the bathroom. Calvin grinned and said, "Always buy fake barf in pairs."

_Big time; I'm on my way I'm making it big time._

Hobbes promptly beat up Calvin after he washed the stuff from his hands and face. I have to say he deserved it this time.

_Big time; I've got to make it show, yeah, big time._

Calvin started singing quietly. "Ten billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ten billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, ten billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-eight bottles of beer!"

Joy.

This is gonna take a while.

_Big time; so much larger than life._

Hobbes slurped another soda and checked his stocks. His sunglasses popped right off his face. "Holy crow! I'd better take that online gambling class." Calvin broke out of his song to scream in Hobbes' ear, "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO PLAY ONLINE POKER!!!" "Fine" grumbled Hobbes. "But I am going to invest in better stocks."

_Big time; I'm gonna watch it growing, big time._

An attendant's voice echoed throughout the plane. "Attention passengers. We have now arrived in Pennsylvania." Calvin and Hobbes' heartbeats quickened with excitement and they pressed their noses up against the window.

_Big time; my car's getting bigger, big time._

Cars were like ants, people were like specks, and houses were like….sub sandwiches. Hobbes admired the sunset, and Calvin admired a giant pool and hot dog stand in somebody's yard.

_Big time; my house's getting bigger, big time._

Calvin was still singing. He was down to ten billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-three thousand six hundred forty-five. Lordy.

_Big time; my eyes're getting bigger, big time._

Hobbes was having daydreams of seafood platters and himself as the king of all big cats. Seriously, is that all he thinks about?

_And my mouuuth…_

Calvin had to shake Hobbes to wake him up. A small line of drool was dripping from between his canines. "Look, Hobbes!" The airport was coming up.

_Big time; my dinner's getting bigger, big time._

Calvin began to shove a whole bunch of stuff back into his bag. Hobbes did too and soon there was the attendant again, saying, "Please turn off all electronic devices and put them away, thank you."

_Big time; and my bank account, big time._

Hobbes was imitating the voice by mouthing the words and flapping his paws. His eyes rolled skyward and he accidentally slapped himself. Calvin slapped him then, and they both started slapping each other.

They're like brothers, aren't they?

_Look at my circumstance, big time._

The plane gently slid into the runway and taxied over to the docking area. Calvin and Hobbes grabbed their suitcases and walked out into the airport, just as the attendant said, "Thank you for flying Northeast Airlines."

_And the bulge in my big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big…_

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the airport, grinned at each other, and hit a high-five.

_Hi there._

They were free.


	10. A New Beginning

**A/N: Okay, what's up with the review system? I'm not going to get all hissy on everyone, but please, if you read the story please review it. I love constructive criticism, and of course compliments, if my story deserves them, are always nice, but if you flame I will track you down and eat you. If you don't like the story, well, then, why the heck are you reading it? Don't say random junk like, "I hate it", because you're not offering me any advice or telling me why you hate it. Every writer likes reviews, and come on, this story has ten chapters and FREAKING NINE REVIEWS!! Honestly, I see fics with six chaps and around 15 reviews, and I update this pretty often!**

**Okay, ranting's over. I am really proud that City Slickers has made it so far, and I'll stick with it to the end, unless I decide to rewrite it. Surprise: Calvin sings karaoke. Be sure to stick around for the sequel, folks, introducing two more main characters and a suspense plot. **

Chapter Ten: A New Beginning or Time of Your Life

Calvin gaped at the massive airport. Hobbes admired a tiger painting on the west wall. "We're here, Hobbes! I can't believe it! Now mom and dad will never catch us!"

"Mmm-hmm."

"And look"—Calvin stared out the window—"They have massive skyscrapers, and a whole buncha deserted buildings! I gotta say, this is gonna be paradise!"

"Mmm-hmm."

Calvin grabbed Hobbes and shook him, then screamed in his ear, "ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME??!!"

Hobbes thought for a moment, and said, "I'd have to say no." Calvin slapped his forehead. "Never mind. Let's get our luggage and get out of here."

The two walked down to the baggage pickup and quickly retrieved theirs. Calvin waved a taxi, thinking of Lucas with a sigh, and soon they were on their way.

"Where to, sir?" asked the driver. Calvin thought. "What's the fanciest hotel this side of town?" "That would be the Heaven-on-Earth Condos, sir. Pool, spa, free room service for any room above $150 a night, and satellite TV in every room." "Excellent. Take us there."

The hotel was about 60 stories high and towered above most buildings. Calvin's mouth dropped open and he had to close it with his fist. The driver dropped them off and a doorman opened the door for them.

The inside was even more magnificent. There were potted plants, ornate sculptures and wall designs, but what interested the kid and tiger the most was the arrow that said, "Arcade" pointing off to their right. Calvin walked up to the manager at the desk and said cheerfully, "Hello, I'd like a room for a night." The manager looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Okay, what room would you like?" "What's the best?"

The manager thought. "You might like the penthouse suite." "What's it got?" "King bed, a mini-bar and fridge, power shower, Jacuzzi, deck with barbecue, and free room service." Calvin's eyes grew bigger than dinner plates and he said very quickly, "We'lltakeit", dug out some money and shoved it into the manager's mouth, and then zoomed into the elevator. The manager shrugged and tossed the key into the elevator. Calvin yelled, "Thanks!" before the doors closed.

Hobbes felt the floor of the elevator. "Whoa, it's carpeted! This place is _classy_!" "I'll say! The buttons are lined with velvet!" When they reached the penthouse suite, they collapsed on the king bed. "One thing we've got to do is get a camera. Then we can take pictures of our first life in Pittsburgh." "Good thinking. Hey, look, the mini-bar has everything: Sprite, every type of Coca Cola and Coke, every type of Pepsi, Mr. Pibb, Squirt, Fanta, Mug Root Beer, a heck of a lot of lemonade…." "And the fridge! Three different things of ice cream, lotsa cheese, meat, eggs…." "And over here's a cookbook! Excellent!"

Once they had finished staring at the food, they went into the Jacuzzi and then each took turns in the power shower. Once they had dried off, Calvin grinned at Hobbes. "You know, this being our first night in our new city, I think we should celebrate. A night out on the town, I'm thinking." He slapped Hobbes on the back and spread his other arm wide. "Think of it! A night full of possibilities! We'll eat at the fanciest restaurants, dance at the greatest clubs"—"I think we can't go in clubs. They're for adults" interrupted Hobbes. "Whatever" continued Calvin, "then we'll go to a kids-friendly dance club, and we'll go to three movies in a row, sing karaoke in some place, buy dark clothes and sunglasses, and OWN 'So You Think You Can Dance?'!"

Hobbes raised his eyebrows. "Okay, okay, cancel the last one. Meanie."

They dropped off their key at the front desk, stepped out into the darkening sky, and took a deep breath of night air. "Okay, first off: grub!" Calvin signaled another taxi and said, "What do you recommend for a picky appetite but fine cuisine?" "Hmm…do you like seafood?" Hobbes gave Calvin a thumbs-up. "Yes, I do." "Then I would go to the Dancing Crab. Very well made and delicious food. But expensive."

At a red light, the driver looked back at Calvin. "I hope you've got some money, kid." Calvin pulled out a few $500 bills. "I'm all set."

The Dancing Crab was a light-hearted restaurant with Caribbean music playing in the background and pleasant chatter in the multiple rooms.

Calvin and Hobbes seated themselves at a booth and a waitress with white shirt, black pants, and a black apron walked over. "Hello, welcome to the Dancing Crab. Would you like something to drink?" "A Coke, please" said Calvin. He turned to Hobbes, who knew that the waitress wouldn't be able to hear him. "A Sprite." Calvin turned back to the waitress. "And a Sprite." "Small or medium?" "You got large?" "A large Coke and Sprite for now, then. Here is your menu."

Calvin looked at the menu and opened it. "Hmm….the shellfish soup looks good…yeah. Here, Hobbes." Hobbes scanned it and decided on the grilled tuna with a side of clam chowder. They ordered when the waitress came back with their drinks. Calvin slurped his Coke and told Hobbes, "I think we should get the clothes next. Then when we go into a karaoke club, we'll look totally awesome." Hobbes nodded and stabbed a slab of tuna. "You know, I've been thinking, Calvin, and I wonder if we're doing the right thing."

Calvin stared at him. "What do you mean?" "I mean running away. Sure, cleaning your room sucks, but if you had just done it, we could be happily watching TV at our house instead of—" "Watching TV in a fancy hotel room" Calvin interrupted. "Hobbes, back there I had to go to school, avoid Susie, and we had to go on dad's crazy jaunts onto an island in the middle of nowhere that he calls 'vacations'." "You have a point there."

Calvin patted Hobbes' hand. "Listen, buddy, what would make you feel better?" Hobbes thought for a moment, and then said, "Three pounds of strawberry macadamia nut ice cream." Calvin wrinkled his nose. "Ew, you actually like that stuff?" Hobbes shrugged and said cheerfully, "More for me."

They ordered their dessert, ate it, and then left. Calvin looked around for a tailor, and soon found one on a street corner. He walked in with Hobbes and they looked around at the clothes examples. A man strode up to Calvin and said smoothly, "Hello, can I help you?" "Yeah, we're looking for a good design, made just for us." The man's eyebrows rose, and Calvin rolled his eyes. "My tiger Hobbes, and me." "Right you are, sir. Come with me."

Calvin and Hobbes were led into a back room. They were measured in all sorts of places, and then they had to wait for a while as the fabric was made into their suits. They read some comic books that Calvin had bought while they waited, and after an hour their names were called. Calvin and Hobbes stuffed the comic books into their bags as they rushed into the back room.

They were given the clothes and went into the bathroom to change. Calvin walked out and so did Hobbes. They looked at each other.

Calvin looked like a mini James Bond in a tux. His blond spiky hair contrasted well with the dark, large sunglasses and the shoes fit him perfectly. The pants came down to the shoes and the shirt's sleeves came to his wrist, not going over the hand at all.

Hobbes' fur on the top of his head was spiked up with gel, and he was wearing black leather gloves, but otherwise he looked the same. They were also given black leather jackets.

Calvin handed over $300 and they walked out the door. Some people passing my stared at him, and he waved back. "Look, Hobbes, we've got fans!" "I feel like I'm at a wedding" replied Hobbes. "Why do I wear these gloves, again?" "Because it's cool, that's why."

Calvin waved a taxi and said, "To a kids-friendly dance club, my good man." "Right-o." It was almost completely dark outside now, and the stars and moon were rising. The taxi stopped at a red light, and looked back at his passengers. "Whoa, kid…" Calvin looked down at his tux. "What?" "That's some pretty fancy clothes, kid." "Oh. Thanks."

The dance club was large and had a disco ball, with a karaoke machine. A guy had just finished a rap when Calvin and Hobbes pushed open the door and walked in. Hardly anybody looked at them, and those who did glanced at them for only a second. But then they did a double take and gaped at the fancy-dressed pair. Calvin grinned and waved, occasionally lowering his glasses, and pushed his way to the front. He walked up on stage and Hobbes began "What?..." Calvin smiled. "You'll see."

Calvin walked up to the song player and said something, the guy nodded, and Calvin positioned himself in front of the microphone. He straightened his tie as the words "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" and "Green Day" flashed up on the screen. He grabbed the microphone and tapped his foot as the music started.

"_Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go. So make the best off this task, and don't ask why; it's not a question but a lesson learned in time_."

Hobbes smiled as Calvin turned to look at him amid the cheers of the crowd. The kid had a great voice.

"_It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right; I hope you had the time of your life_."

The tiger put two and two together and realized what Calvin was telling him. He understood, and knew.

"_So take the photographs and still-frames in your mind, hang it on a shelf in good health and good times. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial: for what it's worth it was worth all the while_."

They had left Missouri, had left their entire past life behind. There was no turning back, and though he was uncertain, in the end they would meet their fate as it was. They were in a new state, and a new life. Hobbes almost laughed out loud, cried, and cheered at the same time. He almost heard Calvin say, "Sissy."

"_It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right; I hope you had the time of your life_."

Calvin did a little dance number during the pause from lyrics, and the crowd roared with approval. He bowed to them before singing again.

"_It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right; I hope you had the time of your life_."

Hobbes clapped and cheered louder than he had ever done before (he hadn't been brought to many rock concerts) as the song drew to a close.

"_It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right; I hope you had the time of your life_."

The crowd absolutely loved Calvin, and some begged him to come back. He nodded lazily as he walked over to Hobbes, and looked up at his tiger. "That was…beautiful."

Calvin snorted. "Sissy." _Ah, déjà vu._

They hailed a taxi and went back to the hotel. They read comics for a while, and then fell asleep.

The next morning, Calvin and Hobbes awoke, packed their bags, and were just about to check out of the hotel when Calvin got a call on his UltraPhone.

"Yello?" "Hello, am I speaking to Mr. Icaron?" "I'm Calvin." "Yes, you. Hey, kid, do you have an address?" "Not yet, but we'll have one by tomorrow." "What area of the city?" "Umm….let's see…."

Calvin looked up the city section on his phone, and saw that they were in the SW area. "Southwest." "Kay. Call me when you can."

They hopped a bus and got out by an alleyway. Calvin looked up the place on his phone and read the description out loud. "First right: Old office building. Second right: Abandoned library/bookstore. Third right: Former apartment building. First left: office building. Second left: office building. Third left: abandoned movie rental store."

They looked through the left buildings first. The walls were crawling with bugs ("Cool!" yelled Calvin as he stuffed some bugs in his pocket), and there wasn't anything remotely interesting about them, except for the movie rental store. Calvin and Hobbes' eyes bugged out and their jaws dropped when they looked in there.

The walls were still stocked with a whole bunch of good movies. Calvin clicked on the abandoned movie rental store and read a more detailed description. "Left in 2007. Two floors. Still in pristine condition." His face lit up. "Hobbes, this could be our home!" "Maybe" said Hobbes, looking thoughtful. "Let's just check out the others first."

The office and apartment buildings were dull, and Calvin was about to skip the library but Hobbes tugged on his shirt. "Come on, I wanna look inside." "Hobbes, you dipwad, there's only old moldy books and rotting walls in there" Calvin snorted. "But fine" he added.

Hobbes pushed open the door with a loud creak and looked around. "Calvin" he whispered. "What?" Calvin poked his head in.

The walls and shelves were clean and stocked with books. It was warm, like there was a heater in there, and in the corner there was a computer, and it was on. They could hear the whirring.

"Hobbes" Calvin whispered. "Somebody, or _something_, is living in here."

"I believe you're looking for me."

They whipped around and stared at a desk where a person sat, reading a book.

"My name's Myrrthe."

Her hair was almost white, her clothes were not ragged like most homeless, her mouth was a straight line, and there was something about her eyes…

Calvin's eyes widened in surprise and astonishment.

They were the bright golden yellow of a wild animal, and there was a quiet sincerity about them, as if she was a messenger from some unknown place.


End file.
